Where The Explorer Invites Feedback

I am off on an adventure tomorrow. My to-do list is detailed, with all kinds of minutely prescribed tasks in preparation. Tomorrow, before the sun gets up nevermind you, I’ll be on the road with nothing but a mug of coffee and my wits to keep me safe. And my car. And lots of cash. And a bag of clean clothes. And a laptop. But nothing else. A big box of CDs in the car too.

All this preparation is needed since I am crossing the border into the occupied territories of Norn Iron. The Queen can’t keep me out. Wife-unit is off to some high flying conference where friendless philosophers debate what it would be like to have friends hosted by the so-called Queen’s University of Belfast. I am her driver. It’ll be like that Britney Spears movie, except wife-unit’s Chinese philosopher colleague will probably struggle with the bit where we pole-dance for food money and then celebrate our victory by jumping up and down on beds in our underwear.

I am only interested in one symposioum and that’s about whether you can make friends over the internet. The only reason I am interested is because I am engaged in an ongoing dispute with all the brainiacs in Irish Christianity about the ethics of new technology. I better not share that with the contributors. “Hi. My name is Zoomtard. I am here to marshall ammo for an ongoing petty squabble I am energetically failing to win. Please only talk about things that will help me to score points”.

If any of you readers have good suggestions for how to spend time in Belfast, please do comment and share them with me. I was just planning on prayer-walking around the loyalist Proddie parts, asking the Holy Spirit to make the residents into real humans with souls.

I realise that might seem a bit extreme and a little offensive for people from that part of the world, but I’d like to remind you that you would see things differently if you were, you know, made in God’s image.

Seriously though, there must be something better to do than wander around the Christian bookshops asking them if they have any Deepak Chopra and reading in the Linen Hall library.

Your Correspondent, More intrepid than Dora

7 Responses to “Where The Explorer Invites Feedback”

  1. jimlad says:

    You could go see my Granny? That’s what I’d do if I were up there.

  2. espero says:

    Not that I live there anymore, but we when we used to go up to The Big Smoke, favourite haunts were: Bookfinders (opposite Queens), Cafe Vaudeville (just off Cornmarket, near big new shopping centre), The Spaniard (cool pub in Cathedral Quarter). I love the Ulster Museum and drag Jayber there at least once a year – it’s pretty basic but there is something utterly Belfast about it.
    Sniff…getting homesick now….

  3. lilytodd says:

    Zoom, Belfast is a great city, if I wasn’t working tomorrow I’d venture to suggest lunch at The Spaniard for anyone who wanted to come, blog or no blog. You’d know me by my customary orange lily I wear in my hair. I only wear my sash on my birthday.

  4. zoomtard says:

    Lily, I’ll try and see your city through the eyes of you and Espero. Sadly, this will by 19th go, but it will be my first time as a tourist, there for no ecclesiological reason.

    Bookfinders is on my list. Vaudeville, Spaniard and Common Grounds join Maggie Mays on my eateries list over the next two weeks and I may even get around to this so called “museum”.

    jimlad, last time I called to your granny she ranted about a TV licence so I am going to skip her this time.

  5. WhyNotSmile says:

    Zoomie, the museum is closed at the moment, I think, but you could try. They might let you in if you do puppy-dog eyes. Anyway, you can always wander Botanic Gardens if you don’t get in.

    You could go on the big wheel which is holding up the City Hall at the moment, and see ALL of Belfast from above – apparently it’s pretty good, and only 8 of our British pounds.

    You could do a Belfast bus tour, which is very touristy, but fun. Seriously, I went on one once, and it was class.

    The QFT (Queen’s cinema, Queen’s as in University, not Queen as in Elizabeth) is sometimes worth a visit.

    I will think of more things if these aren’t suitable or you do them all and get bored.

  6. wee irish breakfast says:

    try McDonald’s opposite Primark…

  7. smallcorner says:

    git yer lighters here. lighters – thee fer a poun’…