My Enemies Are Men Like Me

So my overworking continued this week. I remember vaguely what my wife looks like and I seem to recall a room in my house where there is a sofa and a tv and an xbox where I used to watch movies. The major question Zoomtard is asking is whether he is really cut out for all this loving people and caring for their wellbeing that goes with leading churches. He hasn’t yet gotten to the point where he sends pleading text messages to The Boss crying out for him to come home but well, there was a moment on Thursday morning when he realised he had written “HELP!” on the shower door without noticing it.

Seriously though, as hard as I find some parts of it, I am loving the pastoral side to my role as King Of The Church. I spent the first part of the week running away from the rain while doing outreach (Christianese for brainwashing) amongst kids in socially disadvantaged parts of a midland town. This meant I spent a lot of time with my new intern (who I really should introduce someday on Zoomtard) and four students from Seattle who came to help. Here is us, proving we are insoluble:


Can I get some credit for my contextualisation by the way? Thats me wearing a soccer jersey underneath that hoodie. No Shakespeare quotes on my clothing as I try to reach out to children for me. No siree! I’ve learned that lesson well. When it stopped raining and we went home and reflected on the week I realised I would like to drain all the lead from my pencil, so to speak, and never have children. They are sticky, loud and jumpy. They also ask stupid questions and are entertained by really dumb things like chanting songs and games so easy you barely have to learn them and puzzles so easy that I could answer them all. Basically, I am renewing my efforts to ruin my fertility by standing beside the microwave with no trousers on for at least 15 minutes a day.

When I wasn’t racing around back roads I was writing my next sermon. The easiest part of the job turns out to be finding things to say on Sunday mornings. The hardest part of that then is whittling it down to having interesting things to say. An old guy I really respect once said that preaching is logic set on fire. I have gotten to the point where my preaching is when the congregation want to set themselves on fire. I’ll get there in the end.

I got to do a lot of admin work this week too (everyone say “OH YEAH!”). While sending letters and stamping forms and reorganising folders I was listening to live gigs provided by NPR. There are some astonishing concerts here to listen to in their entirety and unedited. I especially recommend the Nellie McKay gig which I listened to three times in a row on Thursday.

Another smart musician you probably don’t know about but I have fortuitously stumbled upon is Derek Webb. As he says himself, he is in a niche within a niche, considering he is a Christian musician who writes country/folk/Americana style songs that are profoundly theological and thought-provoking. Remember that one of Zoomtard’s catchphrases is robbed from CS Lewis, that modern Christian music is like 6th rate poetry set to 7th rate music. Webb is the antidote to this. He is also a man of integrity and imagination. He gave away 80000 copies of his second-to-last album Mockingbird for free to download. All he asked was that you sent an email to five friends explaining why you like him. His theory is that people want to download music for free or basically free so musicians have to deal with that. He is working to find ways to deal with that. His next idea is noisetrade. Go watch the video, its a fascinating idea. His latest album comes with a graphic novel by the way. You have to love the creativity. Go love it, fool.

In all of June I updated every working day. I think the blog suffered as a result so I am going back to intermittent postings. Not as intermittent as Babette, but not as regular as it has been.

Your Correspondent, Didn’t expect that last sentence to make you cry

One Response to “My Enemies Are Men Like Me”

  1. Greymalkin says:

    You may not want children but what about Neuro?Consider others Zoomtard!Besides,who will you pass all your wealth and knowledge onto?Who will you train to be the best non-christianese christian ever?Who’s going to be a, dare i say it, ‘cool ”PK” kid?And finally,whos going to bring out an autobiography which will diss out all the dirt upon his old man?So much you deny by microwaving.