A 15 Minute Tribute To The Past 1,000 Years

Due to the wonders of technology, I am currently celebrating the onslaught of 2007 while this entry goes live. In fact, because of the extraordinary weirdness of existence, it is already 1am for me because I am in Germany. But seeing as this site is very prejudiced in favour of the GMT, even if you are reading from Australia or Canada or anywhere else, you have to deal with my marvelling from my time zone.

This is a fluffy Zoomtard to finish out 2006. Here are 100 things we didn’t know a year ago. I find that very presumptuous from the people at BBC. How did they know that I didn’t know that the TV chef had swam the English Channel in his youth.

Although the season of dinner parties has passed, here are some killer opening gambits for future conversational battles you may be engaged in.

Finally, this is a late entrant in the best site of 2006 awards. The Nietzsche Family Circus puts random Friedrich quotes to banal “Love Is…” style cartoons. I love this site. I adore it. It is spectacularly brilliant.

My favourite song of the year was Oh My God by Jars of Clay. The best album I heard was Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins’ Rabbit Fur Coat. The best movies of the year were Children of Men, Little Miss Sunshine and Stranger Than Fiction. The finest sporting moment was that point in the Brasil France game where Zidane just bounced the ball over peoples heads and held it under his armpit for a couple of seconds while pinching Ronaldinho’s cheeks like the little upstart being taught a lesson by his superior that he in fact is. Or was. Maybe only Stig and I caught that in the televised match. Sufjan’s gig was the best of the year. The best book I read this year was, predictably enough a Tom Wright book. It isn’t one of the much-heralded ones though but a little short book called For All God’s Worth. In its 100 or so pages there is packed such deep reflection, profound insight and thought provoking turns of phrase to last a lifetime. The biggest let down of the year, book wise, was J-Pod by Douglas Coupland. It is so bad, and it is by so beloved an author that we just can’t say anymore about it. The weirdest cultural experience of the year has to be the Ukrainian opera I attended in Kharkiv in the depths of January. The snow piled up outside the doors while we sat and watched a great huge cast of actors sing a plot I could just about follow in a language I couldn’t hope to comprehend to a crowd smaller than the cast. It was great. I mean, the theatre was lovely and my nose hairs weren’t freezing for the period of time that I was in the room which was a pleasant change from the rest of that very very very very very very cold day but I do wonder how I end up in places sometimes. The best new discovery of the year has to be cold takeout pizza for breakfast. What a freaking delight.

Well I have to go small talk with someone who actually calls himself the Magician and his teutonic girlfriend Hilke. I hope 2007 has a lot more genetic modification, Dawson’s Creek reunions and a new series of Killanaskully.

Your Correspondent, Hilary Duff’s Body Double

5 Responses to “A 15 Minute Tribute To The Past 1,000 Years”

  1. jimlad says:

    What? I don’t get it. This has nothing to do with the last 1,000 years. And it took me two hours to read anyway. You can’t just say it lasts 15 minutes when you don’t know how fast the person who is reading it is. Not everybody’s a zoomtard you know.

  2. zoomtard says:

    No one is. Zoomtard doesn’t exist. He is in that sense, like Jesus, Mitch from Baywatch or Optimus Prime- imaginary people so brilliant that life is easier acting as if they do really exist.

  3. jimlad says:

    Hah! I have you there. Optimus Prime exists. 1. Prove he doesn’t, and 2. How come we don’t have any trouble from Megatron? If it weren’t for good old Optimus Prime we’d come across giant Decepticons every day trying to take over Earth.

  4. Greymalkin says:

    May I point out that in your 101 in 1001,in mammon number 81,in ‘saving a euro a day and celebrating on 1001’,you have not started said task and therefore fail that task,and thus fail 101 in 1001!

    I copied and pasted said failure and am now 36ish euro into a better life.question is zoomy,how much happier will i be after buying 36 overly priced turkish delights for 99cents each in centra?not overly,i hate turkish.

  5. zoomtard says:

    Ah Greymalkin, That list is only visible because I can’t be arsed hiding it. I tried to save a euro a day but all that money ended up being used on busfare by my wife.

    The lesson is, never get married.