What My Medicine Cabinet Reveals

The week didn’t start well. I went to the doctor and found out I had herpes. I thought it was just puberty.

This is even worse than the last time I went to the doctor. I was convinced I had a tortured genius. It turns out it was just puberty.

I think I am on the edge of discovering an important new mode of ministry for the 21st Century. I like to call it the Jesus lie. Here’s how it goes: when I am talking to someone about Christianity and Jesus and God and all of that, sometimes they don’t like the full truth. Its uncompromising and hard and well, a little extreme. So instead we pitch the truth a different way. All we do is bend the truth a little, pitch it from a new angle even, so as to make it a little easier on their ears. Or their wallets. Or their underpants. Sure it isn’t the full story and it hardly smacks of integrity, but you are doing it for Jesus so its all ok. So we can promise people things like wealth and health and happiness if they become Christians. Sure its a lie, but its a Jesus lie!

I told some Jesus lies this week and convinced a man to give me a brand spanking new car. I told one to my wife and she gave me a delightful new camera. You should try it out. There is an airbag in my car that covers the whole windscreen. The whole windscreen people! You wouldn’t get that kind of technology with “integrity” or “honesty”.

Funny, and thoughtful, and deeply, viscerally satisfying.

I also went to see Little Miss Sunshine. Imagine me wandering into the cinema after a hard day’s work for the Man Upstairs when blammo! this hilarious, touching, well measured comedy whacks me straight across the face. It filled me with glee. It made me laugh like a little girl and a big happy monk. It might have made me cry or it may have been some rice cake that was aggrivating my tear ducts. Sure, there are parts of it that are silly or unbelievable but I have never before wanted to paint a portrait of Nietzsche and hang it in my room. Now I do. In fact, now I am doing that so I have to go and perfect his moustache.

Your Correspondent, Lives a simple life, unfettered by complex sweets

2 Responses to “What My Medicine Cabinet Reveals”

  1. Greymalkin says:

    my new phrase…. ‘don’t just google it,zoomtard it!’

    i think it will catch on.

  2. zoomtard says:

    It will only catch on when you finally publish Zoomtard: The Graphic Novel…