Romance Languages Lead To Pre-Marital Sex

For whom does the bell toll? For Neuro.
So to put an end to the destructive rumours that are claiming there is a link between Mary Harney resigning the same weekend Neuro packs it up, let me state categorically that Neuro and Mary Harney are not the same people. Admitedly, I have never seen them in the same room at the same time. But I have been in the room with Neuro while watching Mary live on TV and vice versa.

You all might be wondering why she has called an end to the inevitable disappointment that is neuro’s blog. The reason is because you touch yourself at night. Also, Neuro is a having a bit of a mid-20s crisis. At the present moment, she is on a train headed west, sitting in the middle of the aisle in a large cardboard box writing -1^1/2 repeatedly over the back of a cornflakes box with a blue crayon. Maintaining the blog was always hard, in the midst of her busy schedule of important relief efforts to be made, beer to be brewed and astrology charts to be drawn up. With her finally jumping off the edge of sanity (prompted, LEST WE FORGET, by your disgusting nocturnal habits!), it just had to be put out of its misery.

Its because he is so bright…
I am glad to see that the new leader of the PDs is a man so stunningly intelligent, that he doesn’t come to the same conclusions as anyone else. Sure, you might think Policy A is extreme or that Policy B borders on the immoral. But you would think that. You and I are not as intelligent as Michael McDowell and if we were as super-bright, then we would know and see. See that immigrants are ripping us off. Mostly. Some of them are good at soccer.

Some linkage, squashed in here for want of a context: Divine Vinyl is hilarious and St. Annes’ Pub is an audio magazine worth listening to.

Thinking, So You Don’t Have To
Today is the anniversary of both the Twin Towers collapse and the birth of the man behind Ddmmyy. If you are one of those irritating rabid anti-americans, you might think that the 2nd of those commemerations is sadder. You probably do in fact, because Betamaxnomates, as he forces us to call him on the interweb (as oppossed to myself who took Zoomtard as my confirmation name), would turn on you with his acerbic wit and have you on your knees pleading for mercy before long. Then he’d take you up in his arms and gently place you on his giant shoulders, from which you could get a fresh perspective on reality and see that in fact, something very horrible happened to innocent people five years ago. That more horrible things have happened, since then even, cannot be denied. But its no morality that confuses the mistakes of a government and the tragedy that affected her people. Anyway, Ze Frank thought for himself last week and you should really watch it. It is something.

You should also watch Ze Frank every morning. It makes thinking easier.

Back to our regular schedule of moaning
Neuro and I were in someone’s house recently who had betrayed their heritage by getting foreign television stations in. While we talked about how weird an idea the square root of minus one is or about how to keep flowers fresh or something of that order, Anne Robinson’s show The Weakest Link was on in the background. I am amazed that show is still going. Anyway, there was a contestant called Chip from Stockport who was part of a Christian rap band who worked as a youth specialist for a church. Chip was a chirpy guy and I could understand how he would be annoying but when it came time for Anne to do her little intimdate the guests schtick, I was appalled. She went for him not about the name or the hair but over his job and his faith. She asked questions like “So how can you be a rapper if you don’t have the sex and the drugs?” Ha ha! Good one Anne. You got him there. Christian rap is probably up there with paint-soup as the least attractive idea ever but surely you’d come at it from a less obvious angle. Let me not distract myself here. The questioning continued until she asked whether he was allowed drink as a Christian. When he said “Yes. I enjoy a drink now and again in moderation,” she said something along the lines of, “well that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. You (plural) don’t seem like you know how to have a fun time”.

I was watching this and wondering if the questioning would take the same tone if it was a Sikh youth worker before her. “Thats a funny hat. Why are you wearing a towel? Eh?” It would be outrageous to demand from a Jewish cleric an explanation as to why they won’t eat pork, not even a little bit. So why is it so easy to make fun of the Jesus crew?

Then I remembered how annoying we are and it didn’t bother me so much.

But then I read this post on another Irish blog and I kind of felt sorry for them. In the article entitled “FundieWatch.ie”, they began by mocking Focus on the Family. Sure I’ll join in on that one, (politely). Dobson and co seem so absurd in many of their pronouncements from where we sit perched on the edge of Western Europe. But then Free Stater jumps to their single experience of evangelical Christianity in a church in Cork almost ten years ago. From the assessment provided, it doesn’t seem to have been the most open-minded investigation, since everything was suspicious. That a good looking girl welcomed him proved that there was a sinister welcoming committee who insidiously tried to make people feel welcome. The sickos. That the pastor-fellows had their crap together and had organised the service smacked of professionalism and therefore they were probably only trying to do a good job so that you’d give them all your money. Either that or those cultish bastards were trying to take their job seriously. Either way, I think we can agree that this whole thing is to be treated with the utmost suspicion.

Evangelical Christianity is growing rapidly in Ireland. But the assumption that this movement and the people who compose it are:

    Gullible fools
    Led by greedy pigs
    Intent on forcing an American political agenda
    And worthy of mockery

is pretty ignorant. I think I have met Mervyn Nutley and I think I was actually present at one of the depositions that is mentioned in the article to do with the thoroughly positive and well received inter-denominational Power To Change campaign a few years ago. Focus On The Family Ireland are, to the best of my knowledge (the best around), a good organisation who are fulfilling their democratic right to represent the views of their supporters. They won’t behave hatefully, I am pretty sure they will reason their points well and argue them with respect. Sorry, I forgot! This evil organisation offers training to parents and courses to help improve marriages. Sick bastards! Watch out for them!

The Dietrich Day
The thing about FreeStater’s post is that I would totally agree with his assumption that religion is ultimately a damaging force. I am more convinced of this than ever after spending Saturday at a symposium held at Edgehill College in Belfast in honour of Dietrich Bonhoeffer to mark the 100th anniversary of his death. Those Methodists may not be able to get anyone into heaven, but they sure do throw a good theology party. There is no way I can do Bonhoeffer justice. He is Zoomtard Hero #5. He was a German Lutheran pastor and theologian and poet and ecumenicist and NAZI-resistor and martyr. In his 39 short years he wrote some of the most bracing, inspirational and profound books I have ever read. In his final years in prison and then at Flossenburg, he developed his idea of Religionless Christianity. He had seen the Lutheran church capitulate to the pagan NAZI regime and then was in part ostracized from the Confessing Church that was so important for keeping the Gospel alive in Germany through those years when he joined a plot to assasinate Hitler. He had seen religion fail and he foresaw the increased secularisation of Europe in a “world come of age”, that is, able to stand up for itself without clerics holding its hand. In prison he realised he much preferred the company of the non-Christians who dealt squarely with reality as it was instead of the pious religious Christians who defiled the name of God with empty jargon and hollow praise and a refusal to come alongside their neighbour, their fellow prisoners in the hellish situation they were enduring. It is a cause of huge regret that by direct order of Himmler, Bonhoeffer was shot two weeks before liberation because we needed him to develop these ideas more fully than he managed in a few paragraphs in a few letters to his family and friends.

The day was fascinating. I could write a week’s worth of entries, each day’s entry as long as this one, on the various aspects of Bonhoeffer’s work and life brought out by the excellent contributors but I am not going to do that to you. Permit me to drop this one idea though. In Discipline, Bonhoeffer articulates Grace in terms of the believer who obeys and the obeyer who believes. To follow Jesus is an impossible task (love your neighbour as yourself, thinking about it is lust, give your coat to the poor and your jacket too..) and to believe in Jesus is an impossible task (I am the way, truth, life, no one comes to the Father except through me, the Father and I are one, before Abraham was I AM…) but when we become Christians these two impossibilities are made possible through the action of God. For Bonhoeffer, to become a Christian means to be able to perceive who Jesus is. Jesus is God. You can only see this if God (who is Jesus) lets you see this, if he reveals himself. This revelation is the source of conversion, becoming a Christian, being born-again, new existence, what Bonhoeffer calls metanoia. This is all so profoundly beautiful and I hope that even if theology and Jesus and all that God-bothering isn’t your bag you can see, via my enthusiasm, just how glorious these ideas are.

But the point of Bonhoeffer’s life is that the ideas are pointless if they are just ideas. They have to be lived out, and be borne out in the living. And the strength of this metanoia idea is that becoming a Christian is an act of Grace and living as a Christian is an act of Grace. We are made the children of God through God’s action and then as God’s children we can do the things God’s kids get to do. We do not endeavour to be peacemakers but we step into that role already prepared for us. We are peacemakers because we are the blessed sons of God. All of Jesus’ teaching is made possible by Jesus’ Grace.

So we were talking at the conference about why there are Bonhoeffers. Why are there people so bold and convinced and corageous that they can happily agree to smuggle 13 Jews across the border to Swtizerland knowing that if he is caught by the police already hunting for him because of his other activities, he will die? Why do so few of us Christians actually manage to resist the “siren call of our culture” and step beyond religion into real Christian action? Stephen Williams made the point that the reason so few Christians can live up to the calling that has been made on their lives is because we are confused about what faith is. Faith goes by the wayside in crisis, replaced by culture and mass hysteria because we have seperated faith from discipleship. We have defined faith in terms of ascenting to certain intellectual statements. If you agree with the doctrine, you have the faith. Faith is one thing we say and discipleship is another thing entirely (for the experts alone perhaps?) instead of the words being synonymous. Bonhoeffer however, was able to stand up to the liberal theological hegemony, to the capitulation of the Lutheran church, to the failings of the Confessing Church and ultimately to Hitler and the NAZIs because he understood that belief was obedience. To be a benefactor of Grace means to be able to obey. To obey substantiates the belief. Being a Christian is not about having the right opinions on family values or being able to offer platitudes in times of trouble and it certainly doesn’t mean participation in ritual. All those things are hallmarks of religion preoccupied with the Self and not with God. Being a Christian is about loving the Other, even at the cost of your Self.

To be a Christian is to answer the call of Jesus to come and follow him. And as Bonhoeffer famously put it,

When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.

Your Correspondent, Small hands, smells of cabbage.

7 Responses to “Romance Languages Lead To Pre-Marital Sex”

  1. All hail our new and glorious leader, King Robocop.

  2. zoomtard says:

    McDowell will defeat crime by the force of his intellect. Its incandescent brightness will light the way for our economy. And his south Dublin credentials will assure him of our enduring resentment.

  3. Fucking McDowell Jihad bastard. Such is the groundswell of resentment against this man that I don’t even need to construct any kind of reasoned argument: I can just deploy phrases like ‘draconian’, ‘seditious’ and ‘reactionary’ with impunity (even though I’m secretly not really sure what they mean) confident that most right thinking people will agree with me. It’s great being informed and stuff.

    A post, Zoom-monger.

  4. That was supposed to say ‘A (triple plus) post’ there but you must have a filter on or something. ‘A post’ is funnier though.

  5. jimladden says:

    I didn’t bother reading this post. I took one look at your new picture heading and realised how unoriginal you are. I went straight over to stigmund to see what an original man was saying, and have decided to change my prayer habits. I am now praying to God instead of to Zoomtard. This is so poignant. The internet café is now playing “What if God was one of us”. I used to listen to that and think of you, Zoomtard. I should have known. That word, poignent reminds me of my cleverly concealed joke in one of my comments on my blog where I mis-spelled the word. You never picked up on that either. The internet cafe is now playing, “Get down, get down and move it all around”. Get down.

  6. zoomtard says:

    But but but…. I took that photo of Stigmund! I made his website. That was my idea. You just need to let me explain. Please Jimlad please!

  7. stigmund says:

    Let it go, Zoomy. Let it go. They’ll never understand.

    *puts comforting arm round Zoomy. Lets him cry into his shoulder. Squeezes bum*