There’s Blood In My Mouth Because I’ve Been Biting My Tongue All Week

There are weeks that really knock you down. I hate those weeks, especially now because I am smack in the middle of one. Right down at the bottom of all the achievements and bon mots and passions and fashion and wealth and pronouncements I wear to protect me, I really suck. The degree to which you can embrace that sentence for yourself reveals whether you are still in the denial stages of your addiction or whether you are ready for treatment. Verily, life has shitted on me and I realise I am, most of my life, utterly deluded about what kind of guy I am. The guy I think I am is not who I am. And I am addicted to convincing myself I am that guy, even when it becomes obvious to all around me that I am not. And who am I kidding anyway? I’ve been blessed with circles of insightful, wise people who never had any illusions about me in the first place. Only I am disillusioned.

So this Zoomtard is brought to you by the letter “wallow” and the number “regret”. When you feel all kicked around my three-step treatment plan takes this form:

1) Get the sun to shine. Then walk the streets of the city you love in the sunshine. Pay careful attention to how everything is fascinating and beautiful in its own time.

2) Listen to Sufjan Stevens remind you:

You gave your body to the lonely / They took your clothes / You gave up a wife and a family / You gave your ghost / To be alone with me / You went up on a tree

3) Admit the crud that clogs up your life exists. As Stigmund puts it, the thing about Grace is that it is when things are at their most hopeless, that we can have hope. Its not your good merit and sterling conduct that makes a life well lived but an honest appraisal of your infected unmeritous conduct that lets you see what it means when some genius songwriter says that for you, someone went up on a tree.

These 3 steps remind you that your life was meant to be lived out in the beautiful world, not inside your own mind. That the beautiful world isn’t an accident and your enjoyment of it means something huge to the fellow who made it all. And finally and most crucially, we don’t need to restrain our deceitful heart but to change that heart and make it good. No human can do that. We need some kind of a ghost….

Your Correspondent, The best man in a size too small

One Response to “There’s Blood In My Mouth Because I’ve Been Biting My Tongue All Week”

  1. Steven says:

    Zoomtard,

    Stop being a ****** idiot is the first thing I’d say to you.

    It doesn’t matter what your “achievements and bon mots and passions and fashion and wealth and pronouncements” are or will be. Success in life is not found by achievement. I don’t need to tell you where success in life is found.

    I will be praying for you however. You’re not the only one to have crappy weeks over the past while.