We Shall Dance Upon Injustice

I have almost the whole of tomorrow, which has become today, off. No work for me. At least until the evening when I am participating in a talk followed by a Q&A session on the topic of:
“Jesus. The Opiate of the People?”

Guess what position Zoomtard Inc is taking on that issue?

The reason for this uncommon lapse in the eternal busyness of my good life is that the team and I organised and led-up a big old conference over the weekend. Perched a top a mountain overlooking a picturesque valley village, me and my boys brought together a hundred students, a very fine book and just enough delicious homemade scones to go round. We, being me and C, arrived late because we almost died. Hurtling down the two laned highway at 80km Aiya had a fucking hissy fit and the rear left wheel decided it had enough and it popped off leaving us with less than the required number of round rubber things to continue driving. We hurtled out of our lane and into the hard shoulder and then into some hedges and finally Aiya ran herself out of her rage against a metal barrier.

No. Only kidding. Instead Aiya wobbled, then lurched and finally positively jumped like a poltergeist tormented soapdish at which point, wise old Zoomer and his lovely lady friend pulled into a nearby petrol emporioum and called for a grease monkey who diagnosed the problem and arranged for repair. Bearings had worn down or grime had gotten on the tap or there wasn’t enough RAM or some such thing. We didn’t pay attention since I was solving a serious theological issue and my wife was trying to find new ways to mis-spell the word monkey. The major theological problem I struggled with was why some of my students insist on attacking my crotch. Answers, with biblical back-up in the comments please!

I have been suffering from a total lack of Zoomtard inspiration. Other writing ideas seem more pressing all the time which saddens me because the only real source of self esteem I have ever had was the occasional comment from one of you miserable 60 people who drop by here every year. Basically, the 60 visits make me feel like I have to do something. I’d feel guilty otherwise but I don’t want to jump the shark and end up so self obsessed that I post photos of my eye online. Seriously, suggestions for new topics to tackle would be appreciated. Otherwise I will write reviews of post-modern literature. The only thing more boring than a post-modern novel is a review of a post-modern novel. Like Foe. What a piece of crud.

So that you don’t feel short-changed, here are some great links:

My boy Andy has a new post. Pop round and encourage him.
Evolution must be true since God could never have given us eyes that were so stupid.
Although this is dreadfully nerdy, it is very impressive.
Also lego related. Also nerdy. Also impressive. But much more crazy.
If anything could make me buy a stupid, crappy, inferior, over-priced over-hyped I-Pod, this would be it.
Seriously now, instead of the I-Pod. I-River.

Your Correspondent, The Cure For The Common Man They Don’t Want You To Know About.

3 Responses to “We Shall Dance Upon Injustice”

  1. Andy says:

    Why not convert your blog into a semi fictional account of your life.

    This is where you write about stuff that has happened to you but you add flavor by pretending that you are in fact a high strung 1930’s dectective by the name of Tommy the Tank Masterson.

    Your enteries could go something along the lines of…

    “After church on Sunday I went to hang out with my old army buddy Jimmy. I walked into his office to find him face down in a pool of his own blood. As I took out my .45 something told me it was gonna be one of those days…”

    Add such paragraphs in with paragraphs outlining stuff that actually happened in random order and YOU my friend will be on to a winner!

  2. I wish I’d waited before posting that picture of my eye… a friend of mine took one on Saturday evening at the Eye and Ear. By this time my eye was genuinely, “Big Bunny”-style pink. The later picture appeared genuinely psychedelic.

    I don’t know why you want a Billy Graham iPod. Jerry Falwell is where it’s at. How would I know that Spongebob Squarepants is anti-family without his help?

  3. How about ‘Zoomtard Takes On…’, a regular feature where you select a random blogger and launch a blistering verbal attack on their puny worldview, focussing on theological inconsistencies and general intellectual suckitude and how, like, their blog isn’t really a ‘journal’ and stuff?