MSN Report: Drug dealers prefer Euros

There is a need for a response to this by the brainiacs at Zoomtard. And seeing as another year has come and gone without anyone inviting me to make the definitive movie of the life and times of Dev (which would be a cross between Pi, The Motorcycle Diaries and King Ralph) I will take this first day of the 2009th year since the birth of Christ to make a list.

The One Thing I Wanted But Didn’t Get In 2004
Job. As in the Biblical character and not a career. As everyone knows, I am a full-time Christian. That is a job and I work for a charity so that means I always have the moral high-ground. Even when stealing mp3s.

There has always been a great hole in my life because of the lack of biblical characters molded out of plastic sitting on my office desk. Imagine the sermons I could preach if the guy was standing right there in front of me, all covered in sores and raggedy clothes. If anyone buys me this, I’ll show you something special over a webcam. Namely my signed photo of R.E.M.

The 3 Books By Big Name Authors That Totally Failed To Live Up To Expectations

Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
I have written at predictable length about this book in the last couple of weeks but my hope for some earth shattering challenge to Christianity just didn’t materialise. In my search for an anti-Christian alternative to Narnia or Lord of the Rings, I will be reading the Pullman Dark Secrets series in 2005.

You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers
He will be great but darn it, the hype makes it easy to be disappointed. He did grow up in the same town as my cousins though. So in a way, I know him.

Eleanor Rigby by Doug Coupland
There are parts that are absolutely exhilarating and deeply thought provoking but it still isn’t a great novel. Which means we’ve been waiting since Microserfs (or maybe Girlfriend In A Coma) for a book that is more than just original thoughts expressed beautifully. Read it though.
If you feel like it.

Things I Did Which I Regret

Nothing. Unless marrying a foul-mouthed working-class soccer-hating scummer from Cabra counts as a regret.

Greatest Humanitarian Disaster of 2004

Debt. Not tsumanis. If debt had been cancelled, these countries wouldn’t have been crippled before the tsunami hit. 6,500 Africans will have died from AIDS before this day is over and seven times as many children will die from nothing but hunger in 2005 as have died from the tsunami. News like this makes me fear that this tsunami will not be the end of suffering for the people of the affected nations. I wonder what the APR will be on those loans?

Most Depressing Thing I Read In 2004
Maybe this. It inspires me to keep trying to live by the actual Gospel of Christ and stand against these hateful lies. I don’t like to use the word hero too often, but it certainly applies to my wife, who at the age of 15 went up against the author on a tabloidy late-night call-in show and won. Confronted with the actual content of the Bible by someone who actually had read it, Phelps ran and hung up. By the way, the text referenced in that photo I link to, Romans 9:13, reads, “Just as it is written: “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated”.”

For those of you who can’t read, that doesn’t say “God Hates Fags”. He doesn’t.

Finally, Best Gift I Received In 2004
Thanks Andy. This is the greatest thing in the world. I never thought I’d need it but there you go. Life is funny like that sometimes.

Your Correspondent, Researching Your Ancestry

5 Responses to “MSN Report: Drug dealers prefer Euros”

  1. Adrian says:

    Quoting the bible is an evil practice and should be shouted at very loudly. For more information, checka dis:

  2. neuro-praxis says:

    Adrian, that website is bullshit.

    Take anything out of context and it looks ridiculous.

  3. Caoimhe says:

    I was all excited about reading the new Eggers book in 2005…I’ll have to avoid it now lest it should appear on my 2005 list of letdowns ;op

  4. Adrian says:

    To sum up my point, if I claimed to have heard the word of God and wrote it down, you wouldn’t believe me, right? Or even if you did, you wouldn’t base you belief system on what I had written, would you? Why assume that a person who lived in the middle east many hundreds of years ago is any more reliable than me, or David Koresh or L. Ron Hubbard? Not just one person, mind, a whole bunch of them. Many of whom contradict each other.

  5. Zoomtard says:

    Caoimhe, you should read Velocity. It is good. It is written very very well. But it isn’t a very great novel. For something so velocitile (its cromulent), the book lacks momentum. Besides, I can’t review books for shit.

    He has a new new one coming out in the next few weeks I think. If you are a fan you should hook yourself up with some of his literary magazine, McSweeneys.

    Adrian, you have inspired a whole new post.