Blank Slide Goes Here In Presentation

I never knew kidnapping was so easy but if you have to rob kids for a weekend, rob Christian kids. My wife and I (will writing that ever get old?) are spending the weekend minding the kids of some friends. The most serious behaviour problem we have to deal with a tendency in the little boy to jump around a bit until it’s slightly annoying.

Seriously, children of the corn! I mean, when a 10 year old kid you are minding is telling you to not leave stuff lying around, there might be a cushy job at play. They watch DVDs and play Gameboys and go cycling and jump up and down and read books and they are so damn wholesome! C and I are left to take care of our own business and check to see if they want some juice every hour or so. But when you are minding kids this clean and naïve and pleasant, one inevitably feels a little guilty for your own, I don’t know, normality. Because of their good behaviour, we have lots of time to do our thing, but pimping and recreational drug-fuelled sex feels bad when they are upstairs in the “family room”.

A family room, you say?!? Insane. It’s a room especially dedicated to children and parents playing and enjoying films together. Sane people build home cinemas. Instead these friends have set aside real estate for “beyblade Arena”.

I am starting to adjust to my new job. It was insane for a while back there what with my 14 hour days and my constant white hot stress levels. As much as I appreciate the different perspective offered by troll-like hunched shoulders, standing up straight and being more relaxed suits me well. Someday I might find a way to talk about the reasons that transitioning from a civil servant role into full-time Christianity is so difficult on this site. At the moment it all sits atop my brain in a massive jumble. The important thing is the jumble is no longer irritating me.

One thing that does irritate me at the moment is the Da Vinci Code. I am preparing a talk for a date in February on the phenomenon that is the novel’s hero George Clooney. I mean, Robert Langdon. Robert Langdon. This is a response from Christianity that is becoming almost cliché at this point. A work of fiction comes out that challenges orthodoxy and we respond with preaching. It might not be the best way to reach the people who are convinced by Dan Brown.

From reading the book I can rest assured that the people who have been hoodwinked by the book are the people who really wanted to be hoodwinked by the book. If you aren’t aware of it, by the way, The Da Vinci Code is the world’s bestselling novel of the last year or so and it features the exploits of the world famous Harvard symbologist, Robert Langdon as he attempts to unwind the mystery of the Da Vinci Code that proves Christianity to be a fabrication. It is a pulp novel at its best. One of the things about novels is that they are fictional. Type the word “symobologist” into google and 8 of the 10 first responses are to do with Da Vinci Code crap. There is no department of symbology in any university anywhere. This is made up to be entertaining.

That will be the focus of my talk. Basically I will say there is no need for Christianity to respond to the claims of the Da Vinci Code, since any novel that rejects the Canonical Gospels which were written over the years 50AD to 90AD (20 to 60 years after the death of Christ) but fulcrums a plot around a fresco painted by an Italian in 1498 is probably only good for entertainment. Whatever about the ongoing argument about the historical legitimacy of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, I have never heard anyone claim that Da Vinci was at the Last Supper.

But instead I will turn my attention to the influences on Brown’s novel. Most notably the Jesus Seminar but also the resurgence in Gnosticism and the myth of many “gospels”.

And this is where my job gets really good. I can now legitimately immerse myself in apologetics, which is the opposite to polemics and is the analyzing and devising of intellectual techniques for defending the Christian faith. I will also be using every technique I can think of to ensure I am not preaching.

And I promise you that I won’t bring it up at Zoomtard again.

I bought a car so I now have wheels. We gave the car a gay name. Gay in a Liberacé way. Flamboyantly gay. The name is Aiya, which means God’s Blessed Gift in Arabic. It is greeney blue but it is not turquoise. Whatever about its name, there is nothing gay about the colour. It is a strong masculine greeney blue. I am getting a paint job done by the Kildare equivalent of Xzibit so that it starts blood red at the back but slips into an ultra-fast whitey pink by the front. I can’t afford a Playstation 2 but I am installing a magnetic chessboard in the back of the front seats.

I overtook (is that right?) a JCB today. The raw power of my 1.3 litre Ford in 2nd gear astonished me. And more importantly my lady friend who accompanied me. The acceleration literally blew her clothes off. The stud-ness of it all was lost moments later as I cut out at the junction to a housing estate. The ignominy of Learner Plates is mine, all mine! If this were neuro, I would have written that last sentence in CAPS and you would have LAUGHED. I won’t sell out though for the sake of a few petty giggles.

Your Correspondent, Who is your dancing rhythym.

2 Responses to “Blank Slide Goes Here In Presentation”

  1. Des says:

    “I have never heard anyone claim that Da Vinci was at the Last Supper”

    Well said. I don’t know how many people have told me that “Mary Magdalene and Jesus were holding hands at the last supper”, and “An apostle is holding a knife and pointing it at Jesus”.

    People don’t seem to notice the two abstractions away from reality , its 21st century fiction loosely based on 15th century interpretation of an event hat happened 2,000 years ago.

    Yet they can believe this quicker than they can believe far more probably things. (e.g. God)

    But I must say , its an excellent book in the airport-novel-pageTurner type of way. Dan Brown will be this decades John Grisham I expect. (Except his novels with the symbologist are shite apparently)

    Good work, glad to hear you are immensely enjoying your job. I am happy for you.

  2. Des says:

    Sorry the about bit should read
    “Except his novels without the symbologist are shite apparently”

    Cause Deception Point and Digital Fortress are woeful by most accounts.