Hymns in the Whorehouse

I am conducting a phone call while I write this blog entry. Verily, with my hands free mobile, I am the uberman, Nietzsche ranted on about. I came across this quote today from the first French man to ever achieve shortness and I love it. So I share with you, my internets,

“I know men and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of people would die for Him.”
Napoleon Bonaparte

Almost as good as this one, again from the blasted French with their philosophy and tasty bread,

Socrates dies with honour, surrounded by his disciples listening to the most tender words -the easiest death that one could wish to die. Jesus dies in pain, dishonour, mockery, the object of universal cursing – the most horrible death that one could fear. At the receipt of the cup of poison, Socrates blesses him who could not give it to him without tears; Jesus, while suffering the sharpest pains, prays for His most bitter enemies. If Socrates lived and died like a philosopher, Jesus lived and died like a god.”
Jean Jacques Rousseau

I am a recently married failure. I mean it. Nobody ever told me that tumble dryers can do damage to things. In a desperate effort to prove that men are still useful and women, our glorious rulers shouldn’t yet wipe us out, I decided to do a load of washing for my young, busy wife.

No problem occurred in the cleansing of the garments but then I encountered the tumble dryer, a machine that is existing proof that our devices must be engineered with voice capability to advise against imminent blunders. Edmund Burke once wrote, “All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing”, in which case tumble dryers are the evil-facilitators of the kitchen appliance world. Why is this you say? Well, I put the clothes on a tumble dry cycle that lasted like, 8 hours or something and the machine made no complaint. It said, “Who am I, humble tumble dryer that I am, to say that you are wrong? Who am I to compel or even gently advise you to change your course?” They are the Munich Pact of housework. They stood by while a great tragedy occurred.

I shrank almost every piece of clothing my wife owns.

I can easily believe that Bush won. I fear the inevitable undemocratic nonsense from Europeans who don’t like him more than the Americans who do. Already today, two people have told me how dumb Americans are.

In the world of sanity folks, we call that racism.

I am a mild and private Unionist when it comes to the conflict in Northern Ireland. I spent the night arguing in favour of a Republican because she was being so wilfully misunderstood (as I saw it) and now I am spent. But I will say this,

Ideology: noun, A body of ideas that reflects the beliefs and interests of a group, society, nation, political system, etc., and underlies political action.

Okay? If someone says its “ideologically right”, that doesn’t mean s/he is claiming objectivity!

Your Correspondent, Writes your name on his shoes in glittery pen

2 Responses to “Hymns in the Whorehouse”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You’re back! For another four I hope.

    Damn, you’re blog is so, like, smart and stuff. Quotes from Rousseau and Sartre. I don’t know much about ‘philosophy’ but they sound a bit on the French side. Your reasoned and considered opinion has no place on the interweb.

    You shall be linked in good time. Also, your comments on ddmmyy have been edited slightly due to your unfortunate use of the ‘F’ word. Please be more careful in future.

  2. Des says:

    Good post Kevin, very nice.

    I must agree with you on the whole Anti-u.s. thing. There is nothing more annoying than listening to a bunch of idiots giving out about how tick america is whilst at the same booking their holidays there and loving every minute of it. (mikadosoc.ie for example)

    America is a great country , I’ve been there once this year, and am going twice next year. Its a really cool place.

    Since when did having a great president become so important to Irish people.