TV Burnt A Hole In Everything I Love

I used to email everyone alot last year when I was a computer science student and lived at my computer and slept underneath my desk and ate nothing but baked beans which I heated over a little portable Bunsen burner that I smuggled into the lab and hid from the balding security men. Those were the days. I never realised that switching to “Humanities” would involve a painful transplantation to a world of contact with other people instead of computers, a drought of any good web links from my lecturers who it seems use the internet like they use a toothbrush- because society expects it of them and long stretches where I am expected to take notes in tutorials and lectures instead of just downloading the slides or the mp3. I’m telling you, the only thing that is keeping me going is the comforting feeling I get when a fellow student or a lecturer use a piece of many-syllabled jargon to justify their expensive and time consuming study of post-structuralism. In sociology and theology it is as it was in computer science. We don’t have patterns or trends, we have paradigms. That blasted word. Theology is life a safe and welcoming (but very frigidly chaste) bosom to a computer scientist because when in doubt, speak a foreign language. If the plebs are beginning to understand you, drop in a phrase of Latin or a Greek noun where the English would have sufficed. The real show-offs half speak in German if teaching about a theologian and in French if lecturing on a philosopher (or a dog).

Now, if you are my friend, you are lucky if I string together paragraphs. This is deplorable. I am meant to be developing all kinds of literacy skills that make you all jealous. I can analyse text like the bomb. Ain’t no mofo who can research archived material like me. I read Joyce for the sake of all that is God but not quite divine! I should be leaving emails in your inbox entirely written in streams of consciousness. If I were getting my money’s worth I would be making new words up like meta-structural-ortho-ontological theology. But instead I am worrying about whether I can write fairly about Protestants in Northern Ireland without letting my prejudices come out. That isn’t sociology damnit. Where is the blatant disregard for faulty assumptions? What about the conscious dismissal of conflicts of interest? Why can’t I do isogesis with a clearer conscience?

If I were really imbibing my graduate course I would haughtily and arrogantly assure you that “Programming, Science, Objectivity. I shall fly by these nets!” and not give a crap if you didn’t get the reference (even though Bloomsday is coming up). Instead I will finish up neatly with an observation anyone can appreciate and go read some fiction without criticising it from a lesbian-feminist-Marxist-Irish nationalist-Christian perspective.

On my way to work I have to pass by the YMCA and some genius has grafittied the wall. It reads:

“Fuck you. Be nice.”

Your Correspondent, Who Makes Your World Turn Round

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