I surprised all the patients, including myself

I’m engaged. Do you know that? Just to reveal a bit of my life to the readership that includes I think, pretty much only people I know. That’s why I refer to a person called Fiancé. She exists. And she wants to marry me. In September. Of this year.

I only say this because I imagine I may write about it and her more often as the year progresses.

Also, I am listening to Mumblin’ Deaf Ro right now. Who is the wonderful guy who has agreed to sing at our wedding reception? He is a civil servant by day and a singer/songwriter by night, which is immense in coolness. Or at least it is if you’ve ever worked in the Irish Civil service. I can’t imagine anyone I work with having a secret life as someone who writes subtle and beautiful songs.

Then again, I doubt it’s a secret life. His workmates probably make up about 40% of his gig attendance.

I know that one of the great Irish poets was a civil servant in the Department of Finance. I think it was Thomas Kinsella and his Another Septembers or maybe it was Patrick Kavanagh and his Great Hunger. Still, that would be cool too. Civil servant hood certainly leaves much of your day free for thinking and jotting things down and for crawling under your desk and curling into a ball and taking a nap.

Eavan Boland’s dad was a diplomat too. So the poetry runs through our civil quarter.

When I go back to the Department of Foreign Affairs in the summer, I will get a t-shirt with that excellent couplet on it, a requiem for a civil servant;
“Here lies the civil servant.
Civil to no one and
servant to the devil”

I’ve been reading “Tried For Heresy” by Andrew Furlong. Well, by reading, I mean read. Andrew was a priest in the Church of Ireland who wasn’t actually tried for heresy. Instead he resigned. The trial was over the fact that Andrew didn’t believe that Jesus was divine at any time during his priesthood. This, surprisingly enough, got some people’s backs up when it was revealed in essay form on his website. His congregation seemed to not be too happy about taking Communinion from someone who thought it was a good opportunity to be friends together and to eat some bread.

Andrew wants us to seek the real historical Jesus but I always felt that since we’ve been seeking since Reimarus in the late 1700s and haven’t found any historical figure yet, we should maybe modify the search criteria.

Looking at a figure like Jesus from the bias that none of the miraculous events attributed to him in our only close-to-source documents are true inevitably leads to a search that returns a result like this;

Jesus was born sometime. He was Jewish. Two adults seemed to care for him as if they were parents. He taught some people. We don’t know what he really thought. He died for crimes he didn’t commit. We don’t know what happened next.

That isn’t worthy of complete departments in university. That study should be part of some specific history department with an interest in Roman or Hebrew history. It certainly isn’t compelling enough for me to dedicate my life to studying it, as Andrew Furlong and his type have.

And that leads me into my next quote which comes from the Doctor of medicine, theology and music, master piano crafter, expert tropical medical expert, evangelist, philosopher, linguist and all round superman, Albert Schweitzer.

When Albert was barely older than me at the start of the 1900s he wrote a compendium of all the studies that quested for the “real” and “historical” Jesus. His Quest for the Historical Jesus from 1906 is the definitive work if you ask me. Which you haven’t, but still.

He concluded that the “box office is closed” on this historical quest. Although he started with the same bias as Furling, he ended his book by thinking that after a hundred years it had failed utterly. His final paragraph is beautiful and powerful and concise. It sums up my thinking on the matter perfectly,

“For that reason it is a good thing that the true historical Jesus should overthrow the modern Jesus, should rise up against the modern spirit and send upon earth, not peace, but a sword. He was not teacher, not a casuist; He was an imperious ruler. It was because He was so in His inmost being that He could think of Himself as the Son of Man. That was only the temporally conditioned expression of the fact that He was an authoritative ruler. The names in which men expressed their recognition of Him as such, Messiah, Son of Man, Son of God, have become for us historical parables. We can find no designation which expresses what He is for us.

He comes to us as One unknown, without a name, as of old, by the lake-side, He came to those men who knew Him not. He speaks to us the same word: “Follow thou me!” and sets us to the tasks which He has to fulfil for our time. He commands. And to those who obey Him, whether they be wise or simple, He will reveal Himself in the toils, the conflicts, the sufferings which they shall pass through in His fellowship, and, as an ineffable mystery, they shall learn in their own experience Who He is.”

While I haven’t written a definitive text yet, I do have a blog. Which is kind of the same thing.

If I did end up being a liberal theologian instead of someone who contributed something to the world I would be the kind who takes massive leaps in logic to make scandalous arguments that make the front pages of the Economist and Time. Here is my “Historical” picture of Jesus;

Jesus Christ was born to a man and woman in Israel sometime a long time ago. They did not have computers or stem cell research or chaos maths and therefore they were practically a different species and so they had a different “kind” of “wisdom”. Jesus was the equivalent of a pop star. He was very handsome and kept 12 advisors and style gurus along with him. They were all bulimic but they called it “basinonianik” back then. It was seen as a gift from God because these people were primitive, you see. Not like us. Islamic terrorists hated Jesus for all the decadence he stood for, much like they hate Britney Spears today and so they attack America. They attacked Jesus and the Advisors one night after a meal. We have found the bodies of the Advisors but they vomited up their meals so we can’t see if Jesus was kosher. He wasn’t though, as is logically obvious. The Jesus myth developed when the Roman Empire felt they needed an underground opposition force to demonise for their political purposes. Meat eating “Jesusians” were the result but it was the bastardising of Paul that led to what the deluded “believers” call “Christianity” today. That is the bankrupt belief system that is dying. The. End.

-Your Correspondent dying for a pee

3 Responses to “I surprised all the patients, including myself”

  1. Anthony Glathar says:

    I don’t even really know exactly what to say. Kev, do you remember me. The crazy american guy you used to hang out with. The one that, by his fault, has all but lost contact with you. This is crazy. I got curious to see if I could find you online and here you are. I so want to hear from you and share what has been happening for me in the last years. Are you seriously getting married in sept? I am so happy for you and Claire. I think the only reason I am positive that it is you and Claire is because I knew it would happen and because I found a link to her online journal or something in which she mentioned her childhood friend Susan Callahan. Crazy. Well, I won’t carry on too much, but I would love to hear from you. Email me at the address I listed.

    Your American brother,

    Big Tony

  2. des says:

    Kev, update your blog, I need some more reading, get with the program.
    p.s. I was talking to the manic street preachers, they said they would play your birthday no probs, as long as the cake is made from recyclable paper.

    All the best
    Vitamin D

  3. des says:

    I forgot to mention in the first comment, tell your spouse to be
    ( I would say “better half” etc but all those phrases upset me. Since when are you half a person?? You both have seperate names and bodies, I think people who use phrases like that should have cats sown into their socks)
    Anyways, tell Claire, that If I was arsed getting an account on boards.ie , I would post a pre-emptive strike defending “Something about Mary”, which I am sure she is about to shred based on its obvious simple humour, and lack of character depth. Oh, and tell her that I thought lost in translation was muck, with the exception of bill murray whose acting ( or moreso re-acting) was hilarious. And tell her, that , ah no, maybe I’ll get a boards.ie account.