In the beginning is my word.

Alright. First entry should start off well. I am hoping for something as seismic and as influential as Genesis Chapter 1 or alternatively something a little more “true” in a “literal” sense, by which I mean “actually happened”.

To know anything about what I hope this to be, you have to know why it was started. Here is why:

1) Mimi Smartypants writes a blog on She is one of the funniest writers I have ever read and while I don’t ever intend to sell out to Harper Collins like she did, I would quite like to adopt a Chinese baby and I aspire to one day owning an mp3 player. That says it all really but I will add more because as you will soon discover, that is my thing. Adding more.

Mimi seems to get a lot out of the whole website thing. Writing regular updates to a site is discipline building which is positive if not very exciting. (I won’t go into how positive overall it is to share your untested opinions of questionable worth on a medium that encourages you to write imprecisely and without any structure just because some people will read it. (Nor will I go into the overall positive effect of this is no one reads it)). The weblog/journal/site that I envision this becoming will be a more realistic attempt at keeping a diary. With nice pictures included.

Also, I will happily sell out. And I encourage Mimi in her selling out since it means I can introduce her to my web-phobic sister.

2) My girlfriend has gone crazy. This distresses me and I need something to distract myself from morbid thoughts about never again sharing a peaceful Saturday afternoon laughing over announced farts and trying to stop her from murdering her housemates/parents/random people for leaving paper lying around/telling her to do something like check the electricity meter/for existing. Those were the good old days when her insanity was benign. But she got herself some webspace and has disappeared into a joke creating haze. You can’t relax around her in fear that she’ll use your mistaken pronounciation of a word as the basis of a whole post or that she’ll mention that you have a third nipple just because you won’t get up in the middle of the film to go buy her more popcorn.

I have tried reasoning with her and have failed. I have tried hiding the laptop adaptor and she has fashioned a crude battery recharging device out of a tennis racket, some baking soda and a bottle of LIDL whiskey. So I give in and join her. In conclusion, Girlfriend, NP, my S.O., the SB, is a major cause of my contribution to the web.

3) I have a very gifted friend, Dave Barrett. He and Paul Donnan (who is more touched, in the Hand of God kind of a way) set up a company after college called They design sites and do network stuff and something about standards and dynamism and inter-trans-textuality but I was never that great a computer scientist so I amn’t so fluent in web-programmerese. Anyway, Dave built this for me as a non-cash birthday gift. That is the kind of thing I wholeheartedly endorse. Its also outside the box thinking that makes me want to invest in lightreel and whatever doohickeys they do or don’t make. But I am now an Arts postgrad so I have no money. Sorry.

4) I have always felt that since the moonwalk, mankind has been looking for the next great step forward. This is it.

Your Correspondent, Training in the Centrifuge

One Response to “In the beginning is my word.”

  1. […] It is coming up to the three year anniversary of this website. Back when it began, it was a weird and great gift from a friend who didn’t have alot of money. I can’t remember if I was still doing my degree or was into my Masters by then but it was a different Zoomtard writing. Now I am married, I work for a church (!) and I have quite a few grey hairs making me look awfully dignified. Reading back on that first entry it is interesting (to me at least) that Mimi Smartypants had played such a role in my starting to write. […]